Guy Rules

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leghome

Maytag "Danged Agitator"
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men ARE not mind readers.


1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!


1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .


1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;



But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 

Lady_Railfan

House Mother, Cheerleader
Dear LEG:
My responses:
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men ARE not mind readers. Well, of course not. You can't read ANYTHING if it doesn't have pictures


1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. No, you're more subliminal --- you just p** in the bathtub.


1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be. It is NOT. It doesn't cycle.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way. So? You'd rather think of it as a hobby?


1. Crying is blackmail. Yeah. And because you're dumb enough, it usually pays off.


1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! OK. Shape up, Stupid!


1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question. In your dreams, Bozo.


1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. No, sympathy is what your checkbook is for.




1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Why don't you see a jewelry store once in a while?


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. That's only 'cause your memory gets corrupted by sports scores after 16 hours.


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys. If I dressed like that, you wouldn't be here now.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. Yay. You got one right.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Fat chance. Nice try.


1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Yep. That's usually what happens in either case.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. What? And miss seeing you turn that funny color when I talk over the punchline?


1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. Oh give me a break! Columbus thought he was going to India!


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.And I'm not going to tell you. Nya nya nya! But if my birthday teddy turns out to be orange, you're dead meat!


1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that. But do you have to do it in front of my mother?


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. Oh, the hassle may be better than what you'll REALLY get.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. That's why we plan ahead... and have somewhere to go, REALLY fast.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really. Oh, yeah. How about my "he's really my grampa" teeshirt.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf. If only.


1. You have enough clothes. True. I just need more shoes.


1. You have too many shoes. No, I just need more clothes to go with them.


1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! You're right. You're in pretty good shape for the shape you're in.


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
HA! That's not what you say when the inlaws take over the Master Bedroom for a week!
 

CBCNSfan

Registered Member
Staff member
Sheesh! and I'll bet the dog has the couch too, looks like he'll be out in the cold :D

Willis
 




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