Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " Our patrol helicopter clocked you at 80 mph. sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
Driving home from playing badminton late at knight in pink top pink shorts pink socks and white pink trainers, I think I am being followed so start watching the car behind me,i rolled through an amber he jumped the red, now definite he is following me this is like 11ish I accidentally roll through a red..doh….the road is empty except for the two of us in a ytafng estate but on a main A road, then hid flashing light goes off. So I pull over a young cop get outs and talks back to another then strolls up indicating I drop the window, which I do, he looks (may have done a double look aall the pink) then asks if the car is mine….mmm no it is my dads, he looks ask for the registration plate, mmmmm I have no idea. He leans in looks through the interior f the car,and asks where have I been and I say playing badminton, he gives me a quizzical look, tells me to stay in the car and wait and walks back to his car, he climbs in,I can see them laughing.
So I look over my shoulder, ouch my mate provided the badminton rackets, first time I played - another story but we thought as beginners use a slow ball…no no must not divert….but on the back seat is…my riding crop from when I went for my dressage lesson that morning and my knee high riding boots as they are uncomfortable to walk or drive in. I am young not stupid, brain engages, me in all pink, my riding boots and crop no hat or jacket on back seat…l.
So the co,saunters (i do not use this term lightly) back to the car and leans in say the address I gave for home and the car check to the address I gave but as I have no I’d they will follow mE home To verify, and am I busy Friday night. now here I lapse and stated immediately I have a boyfriend and am seeing him Friday - on reflection may have been safer to agree to Friday then duck, but no I turned him down. so I get ‘the look’ he stares at the back sit a moment or two, then say not to pull out until he is in the car then drive within the speed limit and no more jumping lights,
He walks off gets in car - no laughing this time…gulps. I pull out drive carefully not to slow not to close to the speed limit, a couple miles along their flasher goes off and I think shit they are going to do me anyway, but they zoom off, I went home to my dad wagered I should have agreed to a date then duck.But they must have had a call, and they never checked, neither my dad or I got done by any police for any violations, phew.
I think he saw me in full makeup, and my pink outfit, and the crop and boots and no badminton racket and came to a different conclusion that what actually was the case, my dad wasted no time in telling the story to his mates and yes I got teased for ages, luckily at some point he forgot, and I certainly did not remind him.
FYI if you ever get pulled over by the police, and they. Ask you out, do not say no. and hey, it could happen to blokes as well as women so never say never =P