MilwRoader_Steve
Well-Known Member
News Flash
Minnesota environmental Scientists note alarming rise in average temps!
Concerned, public-funded University of Minnesota scientists, experts in environmental trends and modeling, have noted an alarming rise in monthly average temperatures. "Since February, we have seen monthly temperatures volcano up 20 - 25 degrees Fahrenheit per month. We have not seen this sort of dangerously incendiary trend in months. At this rate, Minnesota wildlife and other vulnerable species could face devastating and life-threatening temperatures of over 140 degrees in December. And God alone - <giggle> if there were such a thing - help us in 2023."
Asked what might mitigate such catastrophic conditions, the team replied, "Only significantly massive and caring outlays via public and governmental sources can possibly derail (see how I got this about trains?) this horrendously cataclysmic final certainty. We must immediately take action to build air-conditioned shelters to cover approximately one million acres."
When asked if this would be a long-term fix, the spokesconsciousnessaware answered, "Indeed not. We, along with our partners through the public university system along with generous-but-still-inadequate government funding have identified a critical, man-made anomaly to our dear mother: earth. We have discovered an apocalyptical condition which will soon cause annihilation of all life. Building and population imbalances centered upon europe and european-derived cultures have caused dangerous imbalances to the weight distributions of our planet. These artificial imbalances, brought about through colonialism and the flabbergastingly inexplicable building projects of euro-religious structures, have resulted in a shifting of the rotation of the planet. In short, one more dire legacy of the world's infestation of europeanism is that our planet, and everything on it, is off-center."
Continuing, the spokesconsciousnessaware said, "But we have a plan and our computer modeling shows a 97% successful result. With a combination of thermonuclear devices and ginormous gas turbine thrusters (the construction of which I can neither confirm nor deny), we will correct this abnormality and reverse the dire consequences of humankind's asymmetrical development. We find it pleasantly ironic that thermonuclear weaponry once considered to be the ultimate cause of destruction will be used for this noble restoration of planetary equity."
In response to a question of potential adverse effects of this correction, the team, almost as one, replied cheerily, "None! In fact quite the reverse! When the correcting charges fire, approximately 88.625% of the world's human population will perish within four to six weeks, but we have examined the models and confidently present this as ... a good thing."
Minnesota environmental Scientists note alarming rise in average temps!
Concerned, public-funded University of Minnesota scientists, experts in environmental trends and modeling, have noted an alarming rise in monthly average temperatures. "Since February, we have seen monthly temperatures volcano up 20 - 25 degrees Fahrenheit per month. We have not seen this sort of dangerously incendiary trend in months. At this rate, Minnesota wildlife and other vulnerable species could face devastating and life-threatening temperatures of over 140 degrees in December. And God alone - <giggle> if there were such a thing - help us in 2023."
Asked what might mitigate such catastrophic conditions, the team replied, "Only significantly massive and caring outlays via public and governmental sources can possibly derail (see how I got this about trains?) this horrendously cataclysmic final certainty. We must immediately take action to build air-conditioned shelters to cover approximately one million acres."
When asked if this would be a long-term fix, the spokesconsciousnessaware answered, "Indeed not. We, along with our partners through the public university system along with generous-but-still-inadequate government funding have identified a critical, man-made anomaly to our dear mother: earth. We have discovered an apocalyptical condition which will soon cause annihilation of all life. Building and population imbalances centered upon europe and european-derived cultures have caused dangerous imbalances to the weight distributions of our planet. These artificial imbalances, brought about through colonialism and the flabbergastingly inexplicable building projects of euro-religious structures, have resulted in a shifting of the rotation of the planet. In short, one more dire legacy of the world's infestation of europeanism is that our planet, and everything on it, is off-center."
Continuing, the spokesconsciousnessaware said, "But we have a plan and our computer modeling shows a 97% successful result. With a combination of thermonuclear devices and ginormous gas turbine thrusters (the construction of which I can neither confirm nor deny), we will correct this abnormality and reverse the dire consequences of humankind's asymmetrical development. We find it pleasantly ironic that thermonuclear weaponry once considered to be the ultimate cause of destruction will be used for this noble restoration of planetary equity."
In response to a question of potential adverse effects of this correction, the team, almost as one, replied cheerily, "None! In fact quite the reverse! When the correcting charges fire, approximately 88.625% of the world's human population will perish within four to six weeks, but we have examined the models and confidently present this as ... a good thing."
