Be my friend?

[enjineerbill]

Is This Fake?

Uh, Jim,

I just came up from the vault and have noticed that all the fake money here has been stolen. A witness said it was a a guy with a fake mustache. He talked with some sort of fake accent and walked with, you guessed it, a fake limp. He made a left outside of the vault and then faked a right and continued to the left. The witness faked looking away which then faked the faker into thinking about the fake to the right which didn't work. I'm going to be calling into work and faking an illness so I can investigate more on this fake story. If you think I'm faking all of this, I'm not. I just know how to spot a fake when I see one. Now I'm gonna press the fake post button........

Johnny

 

[PNKFLOYD]

Let's see now.
I originally wanted to borrow a buck from a friend to get a cup of coffee.
Now, we have a new government agency faking me out with a load of CRAP?

Jim- you and Willis will have to come up with some more regulations soon or people will begin understanding what is going on!
Mikey

 

[CBCNSfan]

Jim- you and Willis will have to come up with some more regulations soon or people will begin understanding what is going on!

Yep! but with all this money floating around it's so, OH! so hard to remain honest, no one get's any unless they submit a 200 page essay as to why they need it

Cheers
Willis

 

[el3637]

Mr. Jim Sir, StarBucks is a no go! I think they were to high brow for CRAP! But I did talk to Drunkin Do Not's, they were more than happy to get on board!

Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend & company were performing at one of those Canadian donut shops. They did a live album - it was called "Horton's Hears The Who".

Andy

 

[UP2CSX]

Chris, good job with Dunkin Donuts. I agree that Starbucks is a little too close to a private jet but the CRAP program exists to attack...err...serve businesses in trouble and Starbucks is in worse trouble that DD. However, as long as they are willing to accept our fake money for coffee and donuts, they can certainly participate in the CRAP program. Thank you for the coffee. I don't know how that piece of carpet disappeared. It was apparently taken to Alabama for the purposes of disposing of something but I told the staff I didn't want to know more so I could engage in plausible denial if the CRAP hit the fan.

As to the man you saw leaving with the two suitcases, that was just Willis transferring some fake money to a new vault, since some of the staff seems to be helping themselves to it when I'm not looking. It's hard to get honest help nowadays.

Now, Bill, you are starting to get overwrought. That guy with the fake mustache was just Willis, who I told to transfer the fake money but to do it in a way that looked fake to fake out any other fakes that might spot him and pick up his real trail. Willis, being Canadian and used to getting away from large wild creatures, apparently did a good job of faking his way past you. The witness that you talked to was probably also a fake but there's no need to fake an illness, since you get generous CRAP benefits, allowing you as many fake sick days as you want. Of course, they will be paid for with fake money, minus the usual handling fee and service charge, so I think it would be better if you came on in to the fake break room and had some real Dunkin Donuts coffee with me and Chris. I promise I won't take it out of your fake pay. Maybe.

Mikey, yes, borrowing a dollar is now more complicated than before. Since most dollars will be fake, you will have to determine if you get a real dollar or fake dollar. At some point, the fake dollars will become real dollars but that will take some time. You can buy futures on fake dollars now with real dollars and then make way more than a dollar as the fake dollar rises, minus the usual handling fee and service charge. Many of the people now coming to work for CRAP were once top producers at Amway so they have broad experience turning nothing into something, just what we need to do at CRAP.

Andy, since the Who is a Canadian group and performed at a Canadian donut shop, the CRAP agency won't get involved, since we don't want to intrude on the affairs of another sovereign nation. The Canadians are resisting the idea that a fake Loonie will be just as valuable to them as a fake dollar. My understanding is that they may reconsider the issue when they see how many CN and CP locomotives start to turn up missing just after they cross the border. The CRAP staff has been carefully studying the methods of Somali pirates and think the same type of tactics will work with locomotives and ransom. It will certainly be a source of real Loonies to back up our fake dollar until we can get to the point of fake parity between the Loony and the dollar.

 

[el3637]

Andy, since the Who is a Canadian group and performed at a Canadian donut shop, the CRAP agency won't get involved...

Last time I checked the Who were British. This might sound almost like a conspiracy to claim Canada is still part of the British Empire. Which could effect the United States, should the Crown wish to reclaim the 13 or more... Florida would be part of Cuba, Texas and California would be part of Mexico, and you'd have a direct Canada-Mexico border eventually.

There is of course a Canadian band with a similar sounding name, but I won't tell you - you'll have to guess who.

Andy

 

[PNKFLOYD]

Mikey, yes, borrowing a dollar is now more complicated than before. Since most dollars will be fake, you will have to determine if you get a real dollar or fake dollar. At some point, the fake dollars will become real dollars but that will take some time.

Jim- I think CRAP is too late getting into the fake dollar racket. I had a clerk try to give me a $1.00 coin as change a couple weeks ago. It didn't look like any dollar I had ever seen, so had to be fake. It didn't even have "IN GOD WE TRUST" on it. Then she tried to give me some of those fake silver, laminated copper quarters. She finally gave me 157 pennies as change.

 

[RexHea]

I got a team Ready to help him answer his questions on your comand!

Mr. Jim, Sir....err, your Eminence. I now understand CRAP fully and want you to know that the BC&W supports all Crap programs. Please tell your Crap ass. auditor that he and his entourage has a free lifetime pass on the railroad anytime he wishes to travel in the Southern Appalachians, Costa Rica, or the Cayman's.

(Anyone one have a Ducolax?)

 

[vato loco]

Chris, good job with Dunkin Donuts. I agree that Starbucks is a little too close to a private jet but the CRAP program exists to attack...err...serve businesses in trouble and Starbucks is in worse trouble that DD. However, as long as they are willing to accept our fake money for coffee and donuts, they can certainly participate in the CRAP program. Thank you for the coffee. I don't know how that piece of carpet disappeared. It was apparently taken to Alabama for the purposes of disposing of something but I told the staff I didn't want to know more so I could engage in plausible denial if the CRAP hit the fan.

As to the man you saw leaving with the two suitcases, that was just Willis transferring some fake money to a new vault, since some of the staff seems to be helping themselves to it when I'm not looking. It's hard to get honest help nowadays.

Jim Sir, I'm the new self proclamed Head HR and Logistics Supervisor or HHRLS and I'm also the Head of the PST too!
Cause, I do have a well trained loyal Problem Solving Team or PST.......So taking care of problems is way more fun than crunching numbers. Crunching fingers under bus wheels sounds way more funnnnnnnn also I'm a real people person and employees just LOVE me! As for the carpet my team has replaced it with a new piece. BTW, I have some of my team imbeded in some high places looking for problems that we need to be informed of! So far we have a green light to CRAP things up. Having access to all the free Coffee and do not's Will make local Law Dog more Loyal to Us!

 

[vato loco]

Mr. Jim, Sir....err, your Eminence. I now understand CRAP fully and want you to know that the BC&W supports all Crap programs. Please tell your Crap ass. auditor that he and his entourage has a free lifetime pass on the railroad anytime he wishes to travel in the Southern Appalachians, Costa Rica, or the Cayman's.

(Anyone one have a Ducolax?)

Rex, I knew U would come around! I will make you the NEW audior, as I'm the new self proclamed Head HR and Logistics Supervisor or HHRLS and I'm also the Head of the PST too!

 

[vato loco]

Florida would be part of Cuba, Texas and California would be part of Mexico, and you'd have a direct Canada-Mexico border eventually.

Andy

Mr. Andy, Miami/Homestead is Cuba! and All of California is Mexico!

 

[UP2CSX]

Andy, I have been informed by my crack team of historians that I did, in fact, make up a fake Canadian group out of a real British group. The Guess part is what confused me since I've been doing so much guessing..err...planning lately. I'm hoping that the load of CRAP money I'm making available to starving British rock groups will help mollify the Queen somewhat.

Mikey, please be careful about you post in public. The CRAP program has been in operation, on a subrosa basis, for quite a while now and we are trying to get the public used to the idea that money is looking increasingly fake. This is like boiling a frog, you have to start with cold water first or he'll jump out. We have already changed all the paper money so it looks more like Monopoly money so we're hoping the public won't notice the gradual changeover to real CRAP money.

Chris, I'm happy to hear of your loyal service and your offers to apply persuasion where it's needed. We have to watch that talk about throwing people under busses though. The CRAP program is only here to help and everyone who cooperates will be suitably rewarded with more CRAP than they ever dreamed of. For those few who don't understand the benefits of using CRAP, we have to take a more firm approach but I prefer the way you made that other troublemaker in Alabama, Tubby, or whatever his name is, just sort of disappear. Much better in the long run than crunching things, even though I know this removes some of the fun from your position. Given the fact that Rex is one of the principals in the ARG, I have to disagree with the idea of him being the auditor. Since the ARG has already been declared "Too Big To Fail", letting him also be the auditor would just open us up for a conflict of interest issue. Although I'm sure Rex does an excellent job of handling CRAP on an everyday basis, I think Willis would still be the best one to have as auditor, since Canada is not yet formally involved in CRAP...until we get those Loonies on board.

Rex, I'm very pleased to see that you have the correct attitude now. Your offer of free transportation is very generous and, if the weather doesn't get better here quick, a fact-finding mission to the Caymans may very well be in order. Unfortunately, that other guy over on the plains did not see the advantage in becoming one with CRAP and I would have hated to see the same thing happen to you. Chris can sometimes be hard to control and his gators are just waiting to take a chunk out of something.

 

[vato loco]

Chris, I'm happy to hear of your loyal service and your offers to apply persuasion where it's needed. We have to watch that talk about throwing people under busses though. The CRAP program is only here to help and everyone who cooperates will be suitably rewarded with more CRAP than they ever dreamed of. For those few who don't understand the benefits of using CRAP, we have to take a more firm approach but I prefer the way you made that other troublemaker in Alabama, Tubby, or whatever his name is, just sort of disappear. Much better in the long run than crunching things, even though I know this removes some of the fun from your position. Given the fact that Rex is one of the principals in the ARG, I have to disagree with the idea of him being the auditor. Since the ARG has already been declared "Too Big To Fail", letting him also be the auditor would just open us up for a conflict of interest issue. Although I'm sure Rex does an excellent job of handling CRAP on an everyday basis, I think Willis would still be the best one to have as auditor, since Canada is not yet formally involved in CRAP...until we get those Loonies on board.

some people need a little Forceful persuasion to help line them up to know that the light at the end of the tunnel might be a train, which Does help the cause of spreading the CRAP! The last thing this business needs is some one rocking the boat! We can't afford to roll over at this crittical time We need good people who don't question us......JUST DO what we tell them!
Yes, I'm very firm and a little rough........But I'm Fair! The bus is harsh you do get draged for a while before you die May be a train would do a better job this I must have tested! I,ve been keeping my Eye on our door man down stairs! I'm wondering if he a plant? O'well, he might just get to see the locomotives under carrage! Well we could put Rex in the Mail room we do have an opening! Willis as our chief Auditor makes me nervious! I'm going to have him followed 24/7 just incase! Dang if they didn't have so many nice trains we want, we could have them taken care of and be done with the nervousness! BTW: who keep moving the rolling stock? and yet refuses to dust them

 

[Secondhandmodeler]

In a show of my humbleness, I shall be arriving at the CRAP hearings in my Athearn Blue Box on Brass track. This will show my willingness to adhere to the Crap principles of all show and no go. Of course my sparking, sintered wheels will give off the proper message that I'm one of you 'little people". CRAP officials will surely give me the fake money that I 'NEED' to survive the winter modeling season. Without this immediate infusion cash, I may have to spend some of my own money!

 

[vato loco]

we at CRAP will help you in your winter blues! Just make sure your fully aware of what we do here!

 

[enjineerbill]

The Pros and Cons of the System

Pros and Cons.....

Used to be everyone was covered even a mans' horse/CRAP now limits the coverage.

If anyone files a claim, it's handled with no Bull/CRAP often miss-handles claims.

Offices used to be dark, danky and smelly/CRAP has cleaned them right down to the cracks.

Lines were often long/Crap has shortened the waiting time.

If you go to an office at peak times it's loud/CRAP has installed baffles to keep the noise down to a ruffle.


These are just some that are posted on a CRAP watchdog site I found.......

Johnny

 

[vato loco]

CRAP has a lot to offer the ModelRailroader! also a little known fact with CRAP your freight car fleet remains dust free cause it rarely sits still long enough to collect dust!Johnny you sound like a good PR Person! If you want the job....I'll check with the all knowing Lord O'Jim and let ya know! But, I will have to do a security Check on ya and and size you for a GPS chip, You know Standard stuff!

 

[UP2CSX]

Chris, no one is supposed to know about the GPS chips. Remember, loose lips sink ships. Johnny seems like he would be a good choice for our Public Information Officer since he seems to be able to handle CRAP in a very thoughtful and clear manner, even though CRAP can become a little murky at times.

Your CRAP Czar is a little down tonight so I will slink off to lick my wounds and think of more ways that we can pile on the CRAP to help America's model railroaders.

 

[vato loco]

Don't be sad Sir, Do Not's and coffee are in the breakroom! The do not's have red and white frosting And the offices MRR track is clean! Coffee, do not's, Fake money and trains! What a job

 

[enjineerbill]

...Johnny you sound like a good PR Person! If you want the job.... But, I will have to do a security Check on ya and and size you for a GPS chip, You know Standard stuff!

Well I have been known to forget CRAP at times. But I'm sure with the all the fake mess we've gotten ourselves into, Someone needs to expell the good about CRAP. It does get murky, but if we all put some fiber into the conversations about CRAP, we can get the job done with one swift movement. Personally, I like to read while pondering CRAP, and I have talked with others who find talking on the phone soothes the rough edges whie pondering CRAP.

I humbly and quietly accept the CRAP PR position, one that I'm sure will see me seated to the left of our fearless grand-poopba, Jim!

The backround check will be fine, nothing you'll be able to flush-out on me.......

MAy the message of CRAP be firm and clear to you.

CRAP-PR

Johnny