Kadee, Bachmann EZ mate, McHenry, Proto2000, ProtoMax, Accumate, Accumate ProtoHO will mate up with each other. Some will mate up better than others (I prefer Kadee of the above list). Sergents I have not tried, and the older horn hooks won't mate up with anything above but other horn hooks (horn hooks are a one-piece coupler that don't look very realistic).
As for pulling couplers out of one car and putting them on another, it will depend. Some Kadee (standard #5) and Proto2000/ProtoMax will require a brass centering spring. The McHenry's and EZ Mates, along with the Accumates have centering springs built on them. I prefer the Kadee #14 (#148) for standard couplers and Kadee #119 (scale shelf couplers) for tank cars. They have small wire springs to center them within the coupler box.
Also, be advised that some cars may be higher/lower than others, so a high set/low set coupler head on the shank may be necessary. Also, if you have snow plows or something of the like on your locomotives, you'll want longer shanked couplers (#46, I think) so that in a curve, the trip pin of the attached car will not contact the snow plow and cause a derailment.