Mod. Feel free to delete this if you feel I crossed the line
Once upon a time there was a man who loved chili.
Unfortunately, it had a terrible and predictable effect on him but as a bachelor who lived alone he didn't have to worry about offending anyone.
One day he met a lovely girl and fell madly in love. They became engaged but as the day of the wedding approached he thought to himself, 'she's such a sweet, innocent, girl. She'll never go for this carrying on,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up chili.
After a couple of years of marriage the man was driving home from work one summer day when his car broke down. He telephoned his wife who offered to pick him up but as he was only a couple of miles from home and it was such a beautiful day he decided to walk the distance.
"Do hurry," she declared," I have a most wonderful birthday surprise for you." He promised to be prompt and started off.
After a few minutes he passed in front of a cafe and from the front doorway he could smell the aroma of food. Suddenly, he realized he was very hungry and he saw a sign in the window saying, "World's best chili, today's special $3.00 per bowl." He couldn't control himself and before he left he had eaten three heaping bowls of chili.
As he walked home he figured he would work off any ill effects and sure enough he soon began putt-putting as he walked.
After a half an hour he came to his house and, after making sure he had putt-putted his last, went in the front door.
His wife rushed to the door, "Oh, darling, I have such a surprise for you", she said. She then wrapped a blindfold around his head and led him by the hand to the dining room table. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold the telephone rang. After making him promise not to peek his wife went to answer the call.
Waiting patiently, he began to feel a most uncomfortable stirring. Leaning to one side he let out a tremendous fart.
"Holy," he muttered to himself,"that's bad!"
A few moments later again the rumbling from down below became acute. Listening to make sure his wife was still talking on the phone he shifted his weight to the other cheek and let another one go. This one was not only as loud as the first but as bad as rotten eggs.
"Whew!", he chuckled to himself.
This continued for another ten minutes until he could hear his wife's conversation drawing to a close and signalling the end of his freedom.
He groped around in front of him for a napkin and madly fanned the air in front of him until it seemed to return to normal. Whereupon he folded the napkin back up and placed his hands in his lap, As his wife reentered the room his face was a picture of innocence.
She asked,"you didn't peek did you?"
Of course he assured her he hadn't.
She then stood behind him and, with a flourish, took off the blindfold and there was his surprise.
Twelve dinner guests dressed for a happy birthday party.